Empowering people through self-awareness and compassion is something we are truly passionate about. When I was asked to lead this campaign around Kindness and Cancer the synergy was inspiring - to make a difference in the world of Cancer that benefits patients and oncology teams.
After months of research, and another cancer diagnosis for myself, we are now at a stage to be offering Compassion Fatigue training for all clinicians working in oncology, so they have the tools and awareness to practice self-care, build resilience - emotionally and physically and make a difference in the lives of all those who have to experience cancer.
Here is an interview that explains why the Kindness Vs Cancer campaign is so important and how it honours the legacy & vision of Laura Kendrick
https://eftraining.moosend.com/show_campaign/3ca2609f-9cc3-4d97-9b85-7130ee5b9b2e/
The disparity in care in the Cancer world and in healthcare generally is so challenging to navigate and accept, especially when there comes a time when it impacts you or people close to you. The 'Close the Care gap' theme in the Cancer community worldwide continues this year.
As the team behind World Cancer Day report:
This is the equity gap – and it’s costing lives. People who seek cancer care hit barriers at every turn. Income, education, geographical location and discrimination based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, disability and lifestyle are just a few of the factors that can negatively affect care. The most disadvantaged groups are also more likely to have increased exposures to a host of other risk factors, like tobacco, unhealthy diet or environmental hazards.
The gap affects everyone. You might feel like the equity gap doesn’t impact you personally, but it likely does affect someone you know. While it’s more pronounced in low- and middle-income countries, well-resourced countries show dramatic disparities too. It’s almost guaranteed that the gap affects you or people in your community.
We can close the gap. The reality today is that who you are and where you live could mean the difference between life and death. It isn’t fair. But we can change this.
Is inequity the same thing as inequality?
In healthcare, inequality refers to the uneven distribution of resources. By contrast, inequity means unjust, avoidable differences in care or outcomes.
The difference may seem subtle, but closing the cancer care gap isn’t really about simply providing everyone with equal resources. One size doesn’t fit all, and every challenge demands a different solution. Equity is about giving everyone what they need to offer them the chance to enjoy similar outcomes.
Having experienced cancer for the 3rd time as a patient, and having been the carer for my husband and my dad, I have witnessed first-hand the differences that we face throughout; they varied from the most compassionate, patient-centred care to my current experience which feels extremely isolating and disjointed.
No one seems to join the dots, or sees me as a whole person who has experienced 3 different cancers and the impact this has had on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel I have to be responsible for considering different options, finding alternatives, doing my own research, paying for additional support services, such as a nutritionist, all of which have supported me to feel empowered and give myself the best chance of survival.
My experiences have ignited a flame within me to empower more patients, urge people to look after themselves and 'know' their bodies BEFORE a cancer diagnosis comes knocking. To be more bold in getting answers and to find the courage to ask for more support.
Cancer impacts the individual and everyone who cares for them - it is frightening and extremely lonely, it makes you question your body, your mind, your sense of self and the role you play in the lives of others - it brings everything to the surface and shines a harsh light on your entire existence.
We need more compassion and understanding, more time to ask the questions, more advice on how we can empower ourselves, we need more care, for us as patients but also for our clinicians, the people who are tasked in delivering so much for us, yet don't have the support they need to be able to offer us all we need.
I'm currently running a campaign titled Kindness v Cancer - created by Laura Kendrick to support the Cancer community with compassion and the one drug that does heal.....Kindness.
As Laura said "My mission is to ensure every cancer patient has interactions that are heartfelt, compassionate and hopeful when appropriate & actively considerate of the patient's mental health"
We all have a role to play in supporting anyone on the cancer pathway, the patient, the family, the friends, the doctors, the nurses and all the support staff.
Kindness and feeling that you are seen as an individual and your care is centred on this is the most precious gift. If anyone is involved in Cancer and would like to support Laura's Kindness v Cancer campaign then please get in touch. We've got a lot to achieve in this space to honour Laura's legacy.
Cancer – The Disease that we fear, the disease that takes, but also gives. On this World Cancer day, I wanted to share some insights from those that have also walked the Cancer path to raise awareness and to instil courage. Courage to not ignore signs/symptoms, you know your body better than anyone else, if something doesn’t feel right, please get it checked, early diagnosis really does save lives. Courage to show up and walk alongside those that are walking the cancer path in a way that’s right for them.
This is what my dear friends have shared about their experience of Cancer, alongside my own experience.
Cancer showed up and …..turned my world upside down. A world that I didn’t even feel I was necessarily a part of, a world/life experience that I hadn’t really appreciated I was enjoying until the thought of not being part of it, shattered all my dreams. It instilled the deepest of fears, it broke my heart, it robbed me of my most precious human, my beloved Dad, and a mere 4 months later our family dog. It left scars on my body, it transformed my appearance by taking my hair, my womb, it broke me and woke me.
” Cancer showed up and rocked my world, making me a statistic………….”
“Cancer showed up and changed what I thought my family would ‘look’ like. We’d been so lucky to welcome a healthy baby boy and had so many hopes and aspirations for the life he would lead. I dreamed of a happy and fulfilled life for him that was full of opportunities. I wished that he would thrive in every aspect of his life. Cancer stole his childhood, changed us as parents and people, altered the direction of our family”
“Cancer showed up and I walked tall, I knew I could kick Cancer’s ass and it was given to me because god knew I would not sit back, I would work out a way to help others and give back, which I did through Sakoon through Cancer and Knit Your Socks Off.”
What I wish I’d valued before it showed up….I wished I’d valued the simple things, moments with loved one’s that were easy and full of joy, full of their uniqueness, their magic. A dear friend of mine had told me when I was preparing for my dad’s final weeks to hold his hand as much as I could, to imprint that feeling into my heart and it was honestly one of the best bits of advice I’ve ever received, how often are we fully present with those we love, soaking in their essence? I wish I’d valued living life so freely, with no big fears lurking at the back of my mind…..what if?
“What I wish I’d valued before it showed up is how precious life is and how thankful I am to have the NHS”
“What I wish I’d valued before it showed up…the little things! Driving my children to nursery and school, what a privilege it is for them to be able to be with other children and play, just where they should be. Driving myself to work and the only worry being about traffic or what’s for dinner. Being at home, safe, Happy and together without the need to have something planned or be on the go all the time”.
“What I wish I’d valued before it showed up………. I wish I had valued me, it took Cancer for me to see that I mattered too and I can show up as me my true authentic self. I never loved myself before did not know how to. I have learnt a new world of self-love and self-care’.
What it gifted me…..It gifted me, ME, it enriched my experience of Life. I didn’t really know me before Cancer – I played a number of roles, I put a lot of people’s needs before mine, mainly because I didn’t know what I needed. I was probably too afraid to ask, to put me at the centre of my world. Then out of the blue Cancer showed me that I mattered. I’ll never forget the look of fear on my dad’s face when I told him I had cancer – that look of fear was the drive and determination I needed to fight with all my might. It gifted me a whole new appreciation of my body, its ability to heal, its resilience, its power.
“What it gifted me……………it gifted me strength, boldness, empathy and joy… I say to people Cancer was good for me. It gifted me my life”. ❤️
“What it gifted me was to be more open with my emotions and sharing with people around me that I need support”.
“What it gifted me….many chances to see how good people are. The support we received from family, friends, community and complete strangers reiterated what I already knew, that people are good, kind, empathetic, caring and charitable. Knowing that so many people loved and cared for Reuben helped share some of the burdens of worry”.
What I wish people knew about its impact….the impact of a cancer diagnosis hits far and wide. The impact of the treatment can last a lot longer than you imagine. The emotional impact can be the hardest to comprehend not only for the patient or loved ones but all those who are a part of your world. Your friends, work colleagues, often don’t know how to be with you and often shy away, which is devastating for the person who has been through the treatment. All I wanted was a return to normality and when people avoided me, friendships faded, it broke my heart and made me question myself on a whole different level.
“What I wish people knew about its impact……… the hidden truths, dark places I have been, exposing my vulnerabilities.”
“What I wish people knew about is the impact on the emotional side can be harder than the physical side”
“What I wish people knew about its impact…that the ripples in the pond of a Cancer diagnosis are far-reaching. Everyone suffers in different ways. My parents suffered terribly worrying for me, their daughter, and also their grandson. Siblings suffer disrupted childhoods too, absent parents, brothers, sisters, the constant hospital appointments and worry taking its toll on everyone. Adrenaline kicks in post-diagnosis as a coping mechanism to get on with the initial challenge, the impact of the trauma can manifest much later on.
Everything is not ‘cured’ or better once the hair grows back. Hospital appointments continue, the worry is always there even though we might get better at hiding it, the long term side effects are not always known and we navigate the impact of toxic treatment. The guilt of surviving. The pain of loss felt by so many friends we saw suffer and then die, the constant roller coaster of mixed emotions as knowing we should feel grateful, feeling guilty that a friend’s child didn’t survive and crippling worry that we could face the battle again”.
My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or a carer would be…..be gentle with yourself – there is no right/wrong way to deal with it. You are unique, you are vulnerable and it’s ok to ask for help. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if needed – every day is different. At all times do what you need to build in self-nurture/self-care. Tell people what you need from them specifically – hugs (post-Covid), meals, lifts, shopping, laughter, wine, whatever it takes to make you smile and feel a little better.
“My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or carer would be to be open about how you are feeling and ask for help”
“My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or carer would be………….. you will not walk alone there are lots of agencies and Charities that can walk alongside you, build your army of people to surround you. The books and info are very eurocentric, hence why I set up Sakoon through Cancer to change the face of Cancer to a South Asian face. Because I actually believed that South Asian Women did not get Breast Cancer but that was not the truth, the taboo and the stigma in the community meant women did not step forward and share their stories they didn’t know how too they were silenced. Sakoon has given women a platform to engage and share. I heard so much once I shared pics on Facebook how much grief daughters were holding as they had lost their mothers to cancer but were never allowed to talk about it”.
“My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or carer would be….take the minutes, then hours as they come. There’s no right way to do any of it. But there is so much help and so many people who care”.
Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read this and build their awareness on Cancer a little more.
The biggest thanks of all go to the contributors – those that have walked this journey, those that have the courage to share what it took from them, but also what it gifted them – my friends, Samina Hussain, Jess Virdee and Carol Baptiste – Thank you
As part of my ongoing development I’m studying to become an Ollie Coach with the ‘Ollie and his superpowers’ School of training, where we are developing our emotional resilience skills to work with children as well as adults, and to empower them to be able to manage their emotions in a way that is appropriate for them. As I further develop my NLP skills, I got to thinking about the power of words and the scripts we run/stories we create and the impact of the language we use. Here’s a recent article I wrote that was featured in Psychologies Magazine, Life Lab series.
This was an article I wrote for International Women’s Day, 2020. It’s as relevant to women as to men and to anyone who needs to hear this message today.
I’m going to make a stand and encourage YOU to pause, to slow down and to not feel you have to keep going and be strong every day.
This is tough advice for me to take and I have spent most of my life, looking out for others and doing everything I can to make sure everyone around me is well looked after and cared for, before acknowledging my needs – I do this because this is what lights me up, what energises me, but what has also cost me.
A second cancer diagnosis has made me STOP and reflect. And with the help of those around me, I’ve given myself permission to pause and actually be the one asking for help and support. I found it incredibly hard, but it’s what’s needed right now and I’ve been truly blown away by how much kindness and love has been presented and the greatest thing of all, is that everyone that has offered, has benefitted from me receiving it with warmth. People like helping each other – FACT.
I’ve had the most amazing week celebrating IWD – sharing Resilience messages with a new Women’s network (WISE) in Slough, leading a panel discussion and talking life and ALL it’s ups and downs with year 11 & year 12 girls at Westgate school. But I’ve also had to slow down to manage my treatment schedule this week. We all have choices we make on a daily basis. I chose how I could manage my treatment, & look after my body, knowing these events would energise me like no medicine could. That wasn’t me being strong, that was me being realistic with what I could/couldn’t manage and allowing those around me to look after & nurture me.
I’m proud of myself for creating a business in which I get to thrive everyday, giving back on a daily basis to support people to create their own best lives in a way that’s meaningful to them & asking for help along the way. You know you’re doing the right thing when one young lady from the school we visited shared this as her feedback “Thank you to the lady who started her own business on resilience. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me realise the lessons learned from your hardships in life are what carry you through future challenges”.
So, I’ll end by saying Don’t be strong, be kind to yourself, ask for help, your strength is in your vulnerability. When you look after yourself, when you nurture your body, your mind and your spirit – everyone around you will benefit, most importantly YOU – YOU will thrive!
- Acknowledgement and acceptance of the emotions that are present. The situation that has presented itself. You don’t need to know how to deal with it, but acknowledgement is key to be able to move forward.
- Control – accepting loss of control in some areas, but working out what you do have control over. What could you influence? In which area’s could you choose your response? What do you need to believe? How can you adapt your mindset?
- Find the Sunshine – Who can help? Which experiences will lift you? Empower you to take a small step forward. Make time for yourself (e.g. 10 mins everyday) regularly just to pause.
- What’s the gift? What’s the learning? How will your life be different after this experience? Where is the richness? This can take time, be patient and open.
- What now? How will you use this experience to thrive? What will be different in your life? How can this experience help others? Challenges are an essential part of life, it’s how we grow and a critical component of Resilience.
A simple shift of focus that will support your resilience
We all wish to be more resilient.
To know that if life turns our world upside down, that we’d be able to cope. Too often we’re living in fear of what might happen and not really appreciating and valuing the life we actually lead right now.
When life then presents an event that topples us, we dream of going back to what we had. We lament on why didn’t I appreciate what I had? Why had I not seen this coming? This is a typical response. This was indeed typical of me and my world before Cancer came and shook it up!
First my husband, then my mum, then me!
Yes, I had started noticing what was more important at each one of the above stages. Who was important. What experiences of life were important. But none more so than when Cancer came knocking at my door.
That was when I really sat up and took notice.
That was when I realised I matter!
When the possibility of Death came knocking, I stood to attention. I realised how vulnerable I was, but it was a time I needed all my strength. I realised how much time I’d spent on things that weren’t important. How much I’d craved acceptance and acknowledgement and validation from others when I could have just given myself a break and lowered the standards I’d set myself and enjoyed the everyday experiences a little more.
I was my own worst enemy. I had stood in my own way and denied myself Joy and Love and Compassion. I was so keen to bestow all of this on others, I just couldn’t see how much I needed to give it to myself.
For me, the secret ingredient to Resilience is Self-compassion, Self-love and Self-acceptance. When you add these magic ingredients into your daily life, your world opens up. You automatically become more resilient.
I now appreciate life with a whole new perspective, a whole new lens of Joy and Gratitude. The gift of simplicity and acceptance of what life was presenting to me daily, became my most precious reward. My life is now a lot slower, a lot more graceful and abundantly richer.
It’s a shame it often takes adversity to shake us up, but when it does, let’s look for the gift. I hope this current pandemic shines a new light on your life, offers a new perspective on what’s really valuable to you and motivates you to create a life that you treasure.
Receiving my own cancer diagnosis, almost a year to the day after my husband’s diagnosis was the BIGGEST wake up call of my life! I thought I was invincible. I had just nursed him through Cancer, we were broken. Life as we knew it, had been turned upside down. To then be told I had Cancer was a blow that we never saw coming.
But it forced me to STOP. It enriched my life. It made me stand up taller. It made my voice louder. It made life simpler, and it made joy and gratitude even more precious components of my every day life.
I realised I wasn’t invincible, I was fragile. I realised I didn’t need to be the strongest person, looking after everyone else, I needed to be Me, and it was ok to ask for help. I realised how much strength there was in my vulnerability. I realised the power of my mind and the passion in my heart would empower me in creating a life in which I would Thrive, in my way on my terms.
It took Cancer to make me realise ‘I matter’.
What’s the wake up call you’re waiting for that will make you STOP?
Check out my contribution to Thrive Global
The light and the dark side of Cancer from someone who has had it twice and cared for and lost precious family members to this disease.
Cancer has impacted our family like the most unsavoury, unwelcome, unpleasant guest. In the midst of these uncomfortable feelings there has been joy, laughter and a return to simplicity. Where there is darkness, there is light, where there is sorrow you can find moments of joy.
Having cared for my husband through his cancer journey, never did I envisage a mere 12 months later, I’d be walking the same path. The journey from carer to patient was one I never envisaged – I’m the invincible one, I look after everyone else, I’m the carer, the nurturing one in my extended family. This was never how it was supposed to be.
In 2019 I cared for my beloved dad as he came to terms with saying goodbye to us, due to his advanced cancer. Seeing a loved one go through it, is unlike anything I could have known how to handle or prepare for. So I didn’t, I went with it….I let it teach me what I needed to know, I took a step back from making sure everyone was alright and focussed on me and my dad, on creating the memories that I would cherish for a lifetime.
Little did I realise the pain of losing him wouldn’t just break my heart but it would break my body a little and bring on a second cancer diagnosis. When your grieving, fighting for normality & running your own business, sometimes the only way your body, mind, spirit can tell you what you need to hear is by forcing you to STOP!
To stop and make sense of what is unfolding around me and to me. To stop and do more for me, to prioritise my needs, what I need for my wellbeing (mind, body and spirit), what I need to acknowledge and create to live a life I cherish. My biggest mission in life is to implore you to do the same. STOP. What do you need to do today to live a life that will make you proud? A life in which you thrive.
My dad’s legacy of kindness, play and humility will last forever through me & through his precious grandsons. He was at peace with his life and all that he had been part of and as his daughter, I couldn’t be more honoured to have walked beside him through it all.
I am a Cancer Crusader and I will live a life in which I thrive.
How do you start your day, your month, your year so the best version of You is in charge?
Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending the day with my 2 nephews, aged 3 & 6. That 3 year old knows what he wants, the order in which he wants it and what is/isn’t acceptable. He’s up for negotiation, but first and foremost he’s clear on his needs. He doesn’t always acknowledge the ‘No’s’ in his life, he is confident and his awesomeness shines through, no playing small, making excuses, his one life affirming statement is “I’m free” from the Robbie Williams song – I love my life. His playing big is empowering his older, more sensitive brother to play big. Together these two have taught me so much about acknowledging my needs and being bold, whilst still empathic in how I meet my needs first and foremost.
Why am I sharing all this? Because I’m stepping into my power, I’m igniting my spark. I’ve stepped onto a new career path which enables me to empower others to thrive, and this just lights me up on the inside. This is my ultimate dream job. And this hasn’t happened by accident; I’ve had to be courageous, I’ve taken time to really explore who I am, and what I’m all about, what I will say Yes to and more importantly what I will say No to, sacrifices need to be made and when you’re doing something that enables you to be the best version of yourself, then those sacrifices are worthwhile. I am by no means perfect, and that is what I love about myself, being imperfectly perfect, being real, being vulnerable, talking about things not everyone will want to talk about, creating a safe space to explore. By discussing some of these things, we cut to the core of who we are as an individual, as a team, as a group of people who have been bought together for a reason that unites.
So take some time to reflect on You. What are your needs? How can you fulfil these needs? Who can help? I’ve been part of an amazing program led by Lou Banks of Rising Vibe and I can’t tell you how much it is lifting the lid on who I am and creating that safe space for me to explore all the different elements of me in a supportive community. Find your tribe, create a tribe that enables you to thrive. In order for you to show up as the best version of yourself and so that you too are owning the lyrics of the song…..”I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am free”
